Carolyn Ellis: » Success

Brilliant Communication: 3 Signs Your People Pleaser Has Grabbed the Microphone

Carolyn — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 15:34:29 +0000

(If you prefer to listen to the audio version of this week’s article instead, just click “Listen Now” below!)

“First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.”
Epictetus

The ability of your business to grow is directly linked with your ability to powerfully articulate and communicate your passion, vision, and the value you bring to the world.

It’s like the beacon that a lighthouse casts to guide ships through treacherous waters.

But let me ask you, how many times have you backtracked or even diluted your core message out of fear someone might not like it?

How many times have you let the fear of criticism or judgment from other people (many of whom are not even your ideal clients) cause you to feel wishy-washy or just plain tongue-tied?

We all have a natural tendency to want to be liked and to please others. Yet when this desire gets so out of balance that it causes you to shut your mouth and bury your brilliance, the health and stability of your Brilliance Backbone stands compromised.

I commonly refer to the gremlin behind this spinal attack as the “People Pleaser.” Its big goal is to shatter the Communications vertebrae in your Brilliance Backbone so your message stays muzzled or mystifying.

How you communicate, whether in written or in spoken form, is what convinces clients or prospects that they need you—that they must work with you—and that you have the answers to the problems they are desperately trying to solve.

3 Signs Your People Pleaser Has Grabbed Your Microphone

If you have a feeling you’re not showing up as powerfully as you could in the world, chances are your “People Pleaser” has elbowed your brilliant leader away from the podium and stolen the microphone instead. Here are 3 signs that indicate this gremlin is hard at work:

1. Communicating what you think others WANT to hear

Instead of boldly speaking your mind, you tailor your message and your opinions based on what you think others want to hear from you. People can feel it when we waffle – and so can you. In this process of pre-judging and assessing others, we are taken out of our brilliance and authenticity.

2. Constantly Sugar Coating the Truth

You’re reluctant to express how you really feel, often sugar coating the feedback or criticism you might have offered if you felt truly free to speak your mind. Although this may feel “acceptable” and even “graceful” in the short-term, it eventually causes a major blockage in our energetic flow. Our unspoken truths become grudges, resentments and will find an outlet eventually down the road, in things like sarcasm or passive-aggressive behavior.

3. Avoid Confrontation Like the Plague

If you find yourself constantly talking around issues or being indirect, chances are you are speaking from your head and not your heart. People can’t pick up the energetic transmission you are offering and you’re diluting your truth. Remember, part of brilliance is taking a stand for yourself and the “People Pleaser” will always try to ensure you settle for less than you deserve.

STEP INTO YOUR BRILLIANCE

Ready to regain control of the microphone and kick the People Pleaser off the stage? Take some time this week to do an inventory of where your People Pleaser is showing up. Maybe it’s a conversation you’re avoiding or a situation that feels unclear. Do a gut check and identify at least one such place. Then identify the conversation you need to have and imagine handing the microphone to your Brilliant Leader instead of your People Pleaser. Notice the difference and make a commitment to reenact this scene of clarity, power and directness on a daily basis.

Can You Deliver Feedback Without Cringing?

Carolyn — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 15:00:03 +0000

(If you prefer to listen to the audio version of this week’s article instead, just click “Listen Now” below!)

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

Mother Teresa

As the leader of your business, the buck stops with you. If something isn’t working to your satisfaction, if a team member isn’t meeting your expectations or standards, it’s up to you to express your dissatisfaction and request a change. But dishing out criticism, even if it’s phrased as “constructive,” isn’t always easy to do effectively.

Women, in particular, seem to have a tough time delivering the news. Sometimes we store up our unhappiness and frustration because we tend to be master conflict avoiders. However, you can avoid rocking the boat only so long until resentment and frustration builds to a point of pressure where we lose our composure.

Are there ways for us, as women entrepreneurs, to deliver needed feedback without having to cringe while doing so?

Absolutely!

Here are some ways I recommend you deliver feedback effectively and clearly, and stand in your power in the process.

1. Be Prepared

Do yourself a favor and write a few notes out to help clear your head and get clear on what’s not working. Look at the facts of the situation. Leave any judging or guessing why someone isn’t meeting your needs out for now. Get grounded in knowing what your request is and what the consequence will be if the situation doesn’t get turned around to your satisfaction.

2. See the Feedback as a Gift

When delivering feedback to someone, set an intention to come from a place of service – to yourself and to the other person. Keeping quiet and letting resentment start to brew within you doesn’t help anyone. Telling someone your truth is a gift, even if they end up being disappointed or hurt in the moment by it.

3. Speak Straight and from the Heart

If you have bad news to deliver or a request to make, get to the point. Avoid the tendency women have to start to use indirect language as a way to worm out of delivering a critical comment. Speak from your heart and invite the other person to see how your request for change is in service of the greater good of your company and the people you serve.

4. Be Prepared to Listen

When delivering feedback, it’s important that you allow space and time to listen to the other person. It’s not all about you talking. It’s also about listening. Give the person a chance to be heard and to have their views acknowledged. You may still end up parting ways, but at least you have defused any potential for lingering resentment or upset.

Using these strategies, I bet you’ll be surprised at how quickly and effectively you’ll be able to deliver feedback without cringing!

STEP INTO YOUR BRILLIANCE

Identify a situation, either in your business or in your personal life, where you need to offer feedback to someone else. Take 10 minutes to journal about how you can handle that potentially difficult conversation differently in light of these strategies.

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3 Keys to Transforming Your Relationship with Money

Carolyn — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 22:39:11 +0000

If you’d rather listen to the audio of this post, click below to listen!

I want to ask you a blunt question today, namely, “If money was your friend, what would it say about you?”

I know this may seem like an odd question, but I really want you take a moment and think about it because the answer means everything as it relates to your business success this year.

Would money describe you as a caring and compassionate partner, one who is fully committed to her growth and sustainability? Or would it have more complaints than praises about you, asking:

“Why do you only call me when you need something?”

“Why are you so ashamed of me that you refuse to deal with our issues in an open, honest and forthright way?” or

“Why are you so selfish with me that you lock me up like a prisoner and keep me away from the rest of the world?”

If you decide you’ve been energetically giving your money the cold shoulder somehow, it’s time to take some immediate action to bring confidence, clarity and your brilliance to how you handle your money and abundance. This is especially important if you are committed to taking your business to new levels of financial prosperity this year.

Remember, your business will only grow as big as you grow yourself. Therefore, it’s critical that you do whatever it takes to make sure your relationship with money is healthy, supportive and primed for lasting growth.

Otherwise your lack of clarity and struggles in this area will sabotage your cash flow every single time. You’ll ramp up your marketing and start making more money only to see it flow out the door faster than ever. You’ll never truly get the revenue you deserve from your clients because of that pesky voice that says, “You’re not worth that much” or “You don’t deserve that much”. And of course you’ll take ride after ride on the cash-flow rollercoaster until you’re physically sick, exhausted and ready to call it quits for good.

I don’t want to see that happen to you or your business! Fortunately, the tools to make a difference are right at your fingertips. Put the following 3 keys into action and you’ll be well on your way to transforming your relationship with money as we go into the New Year:

Key #1 – Give Loving Attention to Your Money

Like any good friend, we need to pay attention to our money regularly. As one of my mentors, Kendall Summerhawk, likes to say money loves attention. Money will get it your attention one way or the other, whether positive or negative. The simple act of tracking your income on a daily basis is a great step to shift your relationship with money.

Key #2 – Stop Your Money Leaks

Think of money as simply a form of energy that flows and circulates in the form of green paper. The more we can focus our energy and attention, the more powerfully we can direct it towards creating and receiving abundance. Things like unpaid bills, uncollected invoices, unopened piles of mail or unfiled paper work nag at our attention and create energetic leaks. When we stop the energetic drains we tolerate around us, our sense of abundance grows and manifests.

Key #3 – Climb on Your Own White Horse

The brilliant entrepreneur shows up as a spiritual grown up around her money, not the little girl who waits and hopes for somebody else to come along on the big white horse to rescueher. Educate yourself and get whatever support you need. Realize it’s time to saddle up and that you are the only one who can take charge of your life.

So instead of beating yourself up or sticking your head in the sand, I encourage you today to get honest about your relationship with money. Start taking the steps necessary to iron out the areas where you aren’t feeling confident or clear so you can create space for abundance and total prosperity. Show the Universe you mean business and watch 2011 become your best fiscal year yet!

Step Into Your Brilliance

Stop to review the state of your current relationship with money and your feelings about your finances in general. Feel whether your energy feels expanded or contracted. Brainstorm a list of any area where you feel like your relationship with money and finances is not fully in alignment and support of your brilliance.

Be specific. Some examples could include seeing where you have bills that need to be paid, revenue to collect from others or your filing system needs to be uplevelled. Choose the area that feels most stuck for you and block off 15 minutes this week to focus on taking care of that specific situation.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE?

If you want to use this feature article in your ezine, blog or web site, you can! I just ask that you include this complete statement with it:

Growing a Brilliant Business: How to Deal with Labor Pains

Carolyn — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 13:52:38 +0000

Birthing a baby isn’t an easy task, as any mother or witness to a birth knows. Giving birth is a joyous process to be sure. But it is also an intense and painful process.

The end result of bringing a new life out to the world feels like a miracle. We know that it would be far more painful, protracted and potentially even dangerous if we tried to go it alone. So most expectant moms gather a support team around them to guide us and care for them through the labor process.

The labor process is something that all brilliant entrepreneurs are intimately familiar with. Creative and brilliant entrepreneurs give birth to amazing ideas all the time. We dream up amazing products, services and programs that make a difference and create powerful results for our clients.

But so many purpose-centered business owners are stuck having labor pains. You know you have something to offer but you’re not getting the traction and results you want in terms of implementation. As we start to live more from our hearts and intuition, we are flooded with wisdom that wants to be manifested and offered to the world.

But the way we approach our work and get things done is still often driven by the ego-mind. This creates a painful bottleneck I call “Spiritual Overload Syndrome.” We get overwhelmed and distracted. Ultimately we get frustrated and even question our right to dream such brilliant ideas.

If you’re feeling like this, remember the labor process analogy. You are in a period of gestation, just like a mother waiting to give birth to a precious child. Here are some tips and reminders to help you with any labor pains you might be experiencing:

Delivery of a baby requires patience AND persistence.

Labor requires both expansion AND contraction.

You need strength AND an ability to surrender.

Having someone by your side encouraging and coaching you through the labor pains makes it a whole lot easier than giving birth on your own.

Keep your focus on the big picture outcome and you will be amazed at the outcome.

P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? You may, as long as the article remains intact and you include the bio below.

Strategy, Planning, Action and Fun!

Carolyn — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 19:54:57 +0000

I truly feel I have one of the most amazing “jobs” in the world – guiding women entrepreneurs to create businesses that express their true purpose and brilliance and which, in turn, change people’s lives. I’m still feeling the glow from facilitating a 2-day in-person intensive with one of my wonderful VIP Brilliance Circle clients, Dr. Jan Hoistad of www.bigpicturepartnering.com. Here’s a pic of us after we mapped out her game plan of business and personal brilliance in our work together. After some hard work, we celebrated together with a delicious meal together before she headed back home to Minneapolis!

I’ll be working with Jan this next year as she takes her business to the next evolution of her brilliance! If you’d like information on my Brilliance Circle Platinum programs and whether they might be a fit for your needs, email support@BrillianceMastery.com to request an application. We’ll get in touch with you then to schedule a short consultation session for you and I to talk.